ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
