I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
