Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
