Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
