Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
