Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
