Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
