I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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