Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We are all done wearing pants today
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
