you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
