Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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