You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
