Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
