Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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