Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
