so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
