Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
