Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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