One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
