If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
