from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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