I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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