just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
