the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
