Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
