Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
