Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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