woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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