porn star boner night. come get it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
