my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
