he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
