Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
