just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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