FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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