I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
