at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
