high people should be assigned attendants
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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