I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
