It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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