Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Come see our sink grown plant.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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