Don't make out with my wife yet
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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