You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
