Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
