its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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