They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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