Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Vodka?
Forever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
