Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
