..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hippo gnu deer
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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