I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
