Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
