i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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