Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
